Your personality is uniquely you. Your relationship with the deceased was uniquely your relationship. Your past history with death and loss is uniquely your experience. Even your style of mourning outwardly and the grief that you are experiencing inwardly is your unique style.
Just because someone else has experienced a loss doesn’t mean that you will grieve and mourn the loss the same way they did. You are unique.
Just because someone else experienced a loss similar to the loss you are experiencing (for example, the death of a spouse), doesn’t mean that you will grieve and mourn the loss the same way as they did. You are unique.
Just because a grief expert has tried to describe the grief experience using “stages”, “tasks”, or “needs” doesn’t mean that you will fit exactly into their model. You are unique.
So acknowledging the uniqueness of who you are, I offer you these gentle words of advice:
1) Embrace your uniqueness by allowing you to be who you are and feel what you feel. Reject any “shoulds” that may be placed on you by others or that you may be internally placing on yourself. You are who you are and you feel what you feel. You shouldn’t be or feel any differently.
2) Embrace your uniqueness by learning from the grief journeys of other people. Listen to the grief they experienced inwardly and how they expressed it outwardly through mourning. Learn from others and take what is helpful from them and apply it to your own journey without trying to be exactly like them.
3) Embrace your uniqueness by allowing others to be different than you. Those who are also experiencing the same loss that you are experiencing may not be grieving or mourning the same way you are. Be OK with that as they are unique too.
At Halcyon Hospice, we have the experience of walking with countless people who have experienced grief. We have witnessed a wide spectrum of ways in which people outwardly mourn their grief. And because of that, we honor each individual’s unique journey by letting them be who they are and feel what they feel.
If you have a loved one in need of Hospice services or you want to learn more about our bereavement support program, visit the Halcyon Hospice website to find a branch near you. You can also find great information and support by clicking the Grief button on www.HalcyonCares.org.
In short, we are here for you.